.

Honestly I have no idea. I always told myself to expect the worst, but did I? "Don't hope." But deep down inside, I still do.

When plans are called off, leaving you hanging there like a dummy. Are you gonna say, expect everyone's gonna call off plans last minute?

Look around and ask yourself. Are those so called besties still around?
Fortunately yes. Fortunately.

Only wood left, the rest didn't. Then why? Why this negativity?

When you have one friend that's as same as you. Unsure but always comfortable together. "We'll enjoy while it lasts." It sounds like something bad's gonna happen. Did I expect something bad? Yes. But that couldn't stop me from worrying.

Even when I expect wood and I couldn't last, that didn't stop me from terrible break downs. That didn't stop all the worst suicidal thoughts, the insanity.

There's no way to stop all these. So, should I stop trying to push people away? The world is conflicting. Accept, it kills you. Try to avoid shits, it kills you too.

Now what?

1.30 and I'm trying to fall asleep. Perrrrrfect