I don't think wood affects me that much. I think about him, so many times in one day. That doesn't affect anything. He just appears there, that's all. I live my life after a little bit of day dreaming. But I have no idea why sometimes, I get sad for no reason. Like. I seriously have no idea. I just wanna have my own damn space and be alone. I can't explain what's wrong to anyone when I myself have no damn clue.
Yes wood does affect me that much. His notification still does pops up. Still. I want to know how his life has been going. I want to know if he still goes to his grandma's place every Saturday. I wanna know if he and captain has been in contact. I wanna know what he's up to. Everything.
It's actually very hard. I care, I always do. But I have to pretend like I don't! I thought I was pretty convincing. "Yh, you will do fine as long as you don't think too much about it." Isn't that avoiding shits? Time heals? Time brings me forward, time lets me meet new people, live a new life, but that doesn't heal. Our minds have too big capacity, you can store them. Store them over there for a while, and when midnight strikes, you break down, into pieces again. And again. Unless you're too tired to think, and you fall asleep before the sounds appear. It's just storing them. In a box. A very easily openable box. It's avoiding them.
I'm not doing fine at all. I miss him. I care. And I'm doing the opposite. How bad it is to push someone you value away from your life. Wood, does that hurt? It hurts for me too. Do you know? No of course you don't. You don't have to know. No matter what I do, it'll always end up badly.
I care and I show it, you hit me back with words, that pain, that unbearable pain. And when I don't show it? How different it is? It's just in that box. How do people move on? How, exactly? I hate myself for being like this.
Why? How? Why can you do things to me but still not make me hate you?
Yes wood does affect me that much. His notification still does pops up. Still. I want to know how his life has been going. I want to know if he still goes to his grandma's place every Saturday. I wanna know if he and captain has been in contact. I wanna know what he's up to. Everything.
It's actually very hard. I care, I always do. But I have to pretend like I don't! I thought I was pretty convincing. "Yh, you will do fine as long as you don't think too much about it." Isn't that avoiding shits? Time heals? Time brings me forward, time lets me meet new people, live a new life, but that doesn't heal. Our minds have too big capacity, you can store them. Store them over there for a while, and when midnight strikes, you break down, into pieces again. And again. Unless you're too tired to think, and you fall asleep before the sounds appear. It's just storing them. In a box. A very easily openable box. It's avoiding them.
I'm not doing fine at all. I miss him. I care. And I'm doing the opposite. How bad it is to push someone you value away from your life. Wood, does that hurt? It hurts for me too. Do you know? No of course you don't. You don't have to know. No matter what I do, it'll always end up badly.
I care and I show it, you hit me back with words, that pain, that unbearable pain. And when I don't show it? How different it is? It's just in that box. How do people move on? How, exactly? I hate myself for being like this.
Why? How? Why can you do things to me but still not make me hate you?
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