I'm so tired. Today I barely meet my family. They're downstairs, I'm upstairs. Hiding. Like how it used to be. But the difference is, I'm not completely broken to the point that I cry for hours in my bed. No. Not like that. Just sitting around, thinking what to do. Thinking I have to go do something but don't know what.

I'm so tired of laughing. In front of my parents, I think I blurted out too fucking many negative shits. They would start asking questions if I don't talk. But I talk, I talk about these kinds of things, which is so... Idk. Trying to pretend that everything is okay, but ruining it. Might as well I hide up here.

Why don't I smile outside with the squad? I miss him. I'm happy that he didn't get dengue. That definitely makes me smile. And then.. I think I can rest outside. Don't have to put up a show 24-7. It's too exhausting. I don't need to smile. What's so happy that requires smiles? What's so funny that I gotta laugh? I do laugh. Occasionally. Rarely. And after that, I rest.

It's alright, right?
You guys understand me. So.. I don't need to pretend. Let me be, I'll be better, eventually.