So I broke up with him. Finally free from the shits. We gotta think far man. I'm thinking far now.

I asked ET. Where are you?
He said, scottgarden. Come join us.
Alright. I said. I wonder why the boys like scottgarden so much. It creeps me out. Full of foreign workers sitting around, smoking. Starring.

I think if you compare, drive with tears in your eyes vs drunk driving.. drunk driving is much safer. And also, that makes driving the perfect activity if you wanna cry. Cuz you'd stop yourself just to get a clear view of the road, the cars.

Scottgarden was so far. I almost had a wrong turn. Then the parking there is complicated. I hate parking there. I simply parked a spot then looked for the entrance. See! I even had to look for the entrance. Terrible place.

The fountain is a damn good landmark. I can't recognize the pub, but I recognize these deco deco. When was the last time I drink? Yesterday.

It was loong's friend's bd. Another ck. And I also get to meet another one of his close buddy. They call him "Juan" lol. So similar to my name.

I don't know how much did I drink. It's a terrible night. We played games, a little bit. I think I had at least ten. Don't know. Maybe ten.

ET drove me back to his place. He offered a shoulder. He offered his left arm. But I didn't take it. He's really talkative. I hope I remember what he said. I don't remember.. fuck. I remember some, didn't remember some. Then I went in his house to pee, first time entering his place. Then I drove home. I think I'm good. It was many drinks, and still I'm this good. I can say, I wasn't drunk. Just sad.

I went back home and slept on the couch for a while. Then I woke up, my sister went up, leaving YouTube playing on the tv. I just sat there and watched the lyrics. Nice lyrics. Then went to throw up. Lol.

Today I had training. Replacement. It was fine. I didn't have a hangover. Just a little dizzy. But honestly I'm always dizzy ... So I'm not sure if that's because of that.

My Appetite's gone tho. Wood's helping me to lose weight again? Not this time. I'm gonna drink and die. I'm gonna drink a lot. I can't believe I took this amount of porridge and I can't finish. I feel like throwing up.

I realized I start with a fully relaxed poker face. Then when I meet people, I can smile. I told ken, fuck you. When I got there, I poked loong to say hi. Just him. Juan was jealous. He said why did I only greeted his buddy. Lol. I realized, I can smile when we play games. I can laugh. Everything normal. It's cool. I'm good.

I didn't recall the beer glass was that small. I finished them really quickly. It wasn't cold. I didn't recall tiger beer being less bitter. But yesterday, it wasn't that bitter. It was fine. It was good. I didn't recall peter being this tall. I stood next to him and immediately went looking for the tall chairs to sit on so I won't look this tiny. I'm 20 looking like a kiddo in thr pub. What the actual fuck.

I told people, it's fine being single. Single is damn good. You have no attachment. You're free to do anything you want. Just do it, and nobody has the right to blame you. Just throw up. Just kill someone. It's all fine, you know ? It's fine.

Stick to the old theory.

Nothing lasts forever. Promises are never real. There are no exceptions. Not even wood. What is love? For love you pay. You give and you don't expect to pay. You appreciate. But it doesn't go one way. If it goes one way, one person would get hurt. There's just no point anymore, isn't it. Love is a choice. You choose someone, you risk your life. Even if you can't stop loving, you gotta be brave enough to walk away. He's lost. He doesn't need to be loved. That's what. So it's a good thing I let him go.

I let him go.