I find myself sitting around daydreaming for veey long periods. Idk what I'm thinking about. wood. ET. Yip man. Pineapple. I think they're all I have. The one easily reachable was ET. Still is ET.

It's hard to accept. He said he'd be leaving. Why?

I don't know. In among so many people, I've only cried in front of a few. Wood, which is completely gone forever. Moon. He's not the same anymore, used to be that close just because he had intentions towards me. But ET was different. We both know that we have no intentions. He knows that I trust him a lot. Like a lot.

I don't want him to leave.
Who else do I have ?

Today I went to badminton with them. Wood always said if I broke my right arm, our future children would ask why mommy doesn't carry them. However, now there's no such thing as future kids. Wood is gone. I can play badminton again. i can ruin my health because it's mine. Because it doesn't matter anymore. I can play badminton like my arm's not hurt.

Then.. ET kept whacking me with his towel. It actually really hurts. He said, smile, smile more. Smile for what ? It's tiring. My face are born this way. Not that I want to be born. Crisp said, I look off, completely moody. It's just resting bitch face. Why smile? He asked me what's wrong. I didn't really say anything. But he got it right himself. I'm definitely unhappy. Why do I have to be happy?

We ate at the corner copitiam. I can't get myself to speak. Idk why. Pan asked me if I want to add rice. I asked him if he would want to help finish my rice. He said, don't lie, I can finish. Yes I can. But it's really too much for me. I think my Appetite's really getting small again. Or maybe it's the alcohol from Friday. Maybe... Idk. Crisp said, look at Loong. Stare at him and it would make you feel better. Lol. How can I ?

I'm sorry pan. I didn't know what to say. But I find him searching for topics to have us talking. He's nice. Everyone's nice. ET said, the squad aren't dumb. They all could see what happened back there at alvisy(the pub). But they're nice enough to ask what actually happened. Thanks for not asking. I couldn't even tell ET what exactly happened.

I didn't tell anyone. Can you imagine?

I broke up with him.
Why ?
Just because.
Come on, what's the story?
There's no story.

We're just not meant to be.