Empty, positively.

Today I texted arrogant to ask him about pogo cheats. I know, it's funny how we are close not due to being two years of classmates and librarian squads for three years, or even same shift mates, but because of after graduation which separates us, but then becoming badminton training mates. It's funny how we have a same channel due to pogo, we never get tired.

We basically had a full day conversation. Yes it did lasted this long, because neither of us are conversation killers.

Today, I gave him a small update, which reminds me of the badminton squad, exam dates, Wood's next intern phase, etc etc. I saw a can of carlsberg and a bottle of cider on my desk. Full. It's cool how I never had the urge of drinking recently. I told him, my life is pretty empty in a neutral way. My close friends far away, my love ones far away. I have no connection here, which made me only thought about self developments which includes losing weight, getting better grades.

He offered to skype because how sad it sounded. But I wasn't that sad anymore isn't it ? He said if I drank alone it would be even emo. Lmao. That's true in a way. Maybe I'm not drinking just because I'm alone. Not that I lost the addiction. Just because I'm sitting here on my phone, doesn't meant I don't miss the squad.

Every second I play a song, I miss them. I miss singk with them, I miss drinking with them. You have no idea about the small part of me that's excited for finals to come just for the study week before it. I would have time to badminton with them. I would have time to go for meals with them.

Yes it's empty over here, but that makes me look forward even more. What is joy without sadness ? How do you miss someone without separation? So maybe I'm a little empty. Maybe when I leave inti, I would miss the ipoh girls? I don't know. No one knows. I'm empty, just because I haven't left here long enough. Maybe in the future I would miss the days I live without connection and burden. Maybe I would miss running at night thinking about ghosts and the steps I have to achieve.

Maybe... Life wasn't as bad as it looks like.

There was one Saturday I went to Wood's place, he was playing dota. I was just talking to him, about how lonely it is to live like that. I talked, I don't even know if he was listening. It was an emotional night.

Then the other day my parents came here to watch the award ceremony, where I got into the Dean's list. They dropped me to put my stuff then when I get into the car, they were literally discussing and convincing me to get a roommate. And guess what they asked me.
Do you not have friends ?

I do. I do have friends. But friends over here are different from the ones in PJ. Just that.

Yeah..