I said it like I'm not sad. like I'm releasing a burden. But I'm not happy at all. Why?

I said it like I'm having a clear view about what's happening. Like I'm doing the right thing for the best for us. But I can't get myself to smile. Smiling became a show. Why?

Why? Why is it so hard to go back to normal ? Honestly... Why is my appetite so small? Why do I look moody? Why do I scold people, ignore people, mute my phone ? Why am I so done with life ? Why do I hate life?

The thing is why do I have to be happy?

Yip man said, become goddess. Let him regret.
Crisp said, it's alright, he'd regret what he has done, he said, I regret too, for what I've done to my exes.
He's pretty funny. He talked to me then said. I think I'm saying the wrong things, sorry..

Lol.

I'm not that sad isn't it?

I'm fine. My heart doesn't hurt like it did last time. I think I'm numb. I think I was ready, this time.

I can't imagine how I looked at the pub.
With people I first met.
With Pan's girl.
With Loong, with ET.

I just know that I covered my face the entire night. I thought, I can cover it. Yes, they're not dumb. They won't talk about it, but. They would know.

I really don't want to break up, that day. But he ignored my text. The one text he could reply appropriately that would make us okay again. He could've made up something else. He could've made another empty promise about how, he would love me the way he should. But he didn't. I guess that's the part that hurts most. He didn't reply.