I don't even care whether he sees it or not anymore. It's my blog, and if I wanna write I will.

If you don't care, why do you ask. Why do you want to know? Why do you come? It makes no sense. I know, you're probably having an awesome life already, with someone you love, someone loving you. Why look back?

Do you see me as a student you used to criticize so much? Did you watch me play as the role of an old coach? What are you? What are you thinking?

You think I cheated. You made me decided on a permanent break. You get your perfect life while still peeking into mine. Why? What's the point? Makes no sense! It makes no sense.

It bothers me. Seeing you sitting there, bothers me. I'm sorry for your arm. I've thought it tru, I think I can adapt. If one day your arm is fixed, you rejoin training, and I will adapt with that. I will. Salty fish asked me whether it's okay for her to jio you and your brother to baddy at lavana. I said, no. But actually, I can adapt.

You know I have a soft spot for you.
You know I will never block you, or treat you like how you treated me. You know, I will always care. I remember punching the wall. I remember attempting to die. I remember thinking about jumping off third floor. I remember when it depresses me so much my body hurts, physically. No matter what you'll always be toxic to me. Friends or not, stranger, lover. I should block you to prevent myself from doing stupid shits. I deleted you everywhere to cut all ties. But you still appeared.

I thought my nightmares are all over. It's not. You'll be haunting me forever isn't it? If one day you break up, I'm pretty sure you'll come back talking like I mean the world to you. It'll be the most disgusting shit ever. I'm not thinking myself as what high shit. But you, you're shit. You played us all remember?

Can't believe you assumed I cheat. I'm not like you. When I say I will do it, I will. When I say I love you, I mean it. I'm not like you. liar.

When I say I will never let you back in my life, I mean it too.

It's been three months. We haven't see each other in three months. You appeared up there, watching the games.
You meant the world to me. No matter how much I told myself that "Everything is temporary", whatever I had towards you wasn't that temporary. Makes me wonder what I did wrong that you'd think I'm actually cheating. You accused me of loving moon too, while that wasn't the case. You accused me in so many things. Why? What did I do? What should I do to actually be trusted by you? You can't go around assuming everyone's cheating on you right? You can't just think everyone who loves you have an expiry date. Sometimes they don't, and you lose them because of your stupidity.

Fuck you.