Stop thinking about the people I shouldn't be thinking. Life was pretty content. Life aren't that fine, recently.

Screwing up assignments, tests, experiment results, it's not okay. That nine marks, I don't think I can get over it. Even the easiest subject, I didn't score it well. HOP has high expectations on me I can see that in her eyes. I let her down.

It all just means I need to work harder on my studies. It all just means I'm still not content enough. Too much entertainment maybe. I used to think, I don't study at home because home is where I stay too little time, I have to be with the people, especially grandma since she lost my sister. She's very lonely, and I have to be there for her. It's very tough for me tho. It doesn't work that way anymore. Even when I be with her, homework is definitely involved. I'll die if I leave them all aside. It's hard for me.

I'm so tired. I finally got a bit of sleep back. When she was here I was busy going out with her. When she was gone I was busy finishing the things I didn't do when she was here. When I finish those things, new things came like tsunami, with loads of tests, then again new assignments reports. Now just a little bit of scroll-pass, I'm thinking about the past? No no no can't let this happen. I don't have time for your bullshit.

I'm quite a vulgar person, I realized. From inti BC, each shot that didn't go that nice comes with a fuck. It's a really funny thing that menshoe thought I was cool cool cold and all. I was probably not in the mood. I was always not in the mood, tbh. What is life? Full of shits. It's an effort to be happy. But maybe during baddy I can't maintain a resting bitch face. I don't wanna look arrogant. I don't want people to be pressured playing beside me as my partner, I know how that feels. I'll cover them the best I can, but usually they still feel super nervous and bad for missing shots. I get that. So I must be super nice until some point, they will finally relax.

The competition is next week.
Cannon, huh. I want to get a champion for singles. It's now my confirmed target. I'll get my arm fixed after the competition. Life aren't so bad. We can smile, we can play monopoly and temporary forget about the Nine marks. We can eat ice cream during period. We can stop by in any shops for games and food just to avoid the rain. It's that chill isn't it.

He doesn't deserve any single slot in my mind. He doesn't deserve to be flashing by in my head. He'll rot in hell for torturing his new girl. It's October. Two months plus is definitely enough for you to show your shit colours. "No wonder why you don't have friends."

I need to completely let go tbh. It's not that complete, we all know that. He can't make me hit the wall, bite myself, kill myself. He can't make me depressed or any shit. But he can stay in my head lingering around, not causing much but it's annoying. So he has to go. Focus on studies, make him go. Come on.