I had like.. half a day of daydreaming after that. I actually put micro aside and wasted time doing nothing. What ??

I'm not actually that fucked up. I have to think of something. This putting aside method, it's not working perfectly. These things happen whenever he appears. These things happen whenever I fail to put things aside. It doesn't take long, honestly. Life will bring the stress out of me. I'll get back on track in no time. But is this right? It's like a lie I'm telling myself over and over again, to pretend.

Fake it til you make it?
It's been years. Three years. I've faked it all these time. It partially worked. But I never made it. It's fake. I can act well, but I can't fool myself.
What if you never make it?