Last baddy in inti 2018.

It was a dramatic one. Yeah it is. There was menshoe, jon snow, forever win, cham, me, ronan, and her squad.

I got nervous for nothing, because he didn't show up. It has pros and cons. I really didn't want him to hurt himself more. I also didn't wanna let him see me hurt myself too, since I'm lobbing and smashing again. That's the pros. He'd be safe, unhurt. And.. it's a dramatic night for menshoe, our history shouldn't be part of the drama. It's her day. I can't act that way. I can't be off. Cons? I couldn't see him. I'd never know whether I can, look him in the eyes and be perfectly okay. But I know the answer anyway. Why do I torture myself like that ?

I was really nervous. They be like "you conflicting." Yep. But thank god he didn't show up. We only have one court, for five girls five guys. This is a little too many peeps. But we added an hour, so all is well. It's a fun session. I was a little off, still. I hoped to see him. I was definitely off. Jon snow was off too. Too funny. Cham and forever win versus jon and I. It's like so hard. We can't beat them at all. We'd be constantly discussing strategies, how he should hit, how I should hit. But yeaaah. We can't win. Forever win has his name at his side. Forever win. He's more playful than we first know each other. He wouldn't do that at first. Haha. Then ronan has a huge space for improvement. I'm actually excited for her. She needs to play with these people more, and she'd improve crazily. I'm sure already. Cham is good, full of mistakes but good. Like me. HAHA. UHM. We're pretty good. Menshoe still needs to learn footwork. I have a feeling I'd make her come to fcuc to fix her footwork.

After everything, there was those bright lights. It's overdramatic. But it's suited for this. Menshoe has her speech. She's retired from BC secretory, while I'm basically stepping up. She had her very open talk. I was quite shocked she'd say those words in front of us all. It's really sweet of her. She thinks I'm patience. That is so... Rare. Nobody thinks I'm patient. I was never patient. I actually do filter. I'm an impatient, straightforward person. I'll be honest. I'll be open. But of course, not completely. I do consider people's feelings when I say things. No matter what, my words will reflect my personality. But at the same time, I'm not gonna offend everyone in the world isn't it? Spread positivity, look into the positive parts. Keep the negative sides in. We know things seem bad here and there. But everyone make mistakes, we're not their someone to be blaming. We maintain our qualities, we don't have to be in this world to make everyone feel bad about themselves. We encourage each other.

She said what type of person she used to be. Impatient, grumpy, short tempered with a shitty attitude. I can actually picture that well. It's not unbelievable. It's just unbelievable at the admitting part. It's not easy for us to admit how shitty we used to be. And she did it. I'm really happy for her. Maturity at its finest. It's also really... Touching to see that change. Well done, carmen. Her parents will be proud. Her friends would be lucky. She said she had mental issues. That is for real. She was anorexic for a short period. She was actually extremely emotional. I think menshoe is all of us. I think we all have that stage. She as an introvert turned into this person. This crazy smiling person. Gosh, I'm actually really happy seeing this kind of change. Well, I didn't really see it all. We see the changed her. And it's already super cool. Idk what makes me admire her, but I do. Like a lot. Her long long speech. Lasted until we were hungry.

So we continued at the mamak near maboro. We really have the tendency to chit chat until forever. And they're hilarious. Ronan's twin was a little emo at that time. But she slowly got over it and joined the cheerful conversation. That was the point I was actually relieved that my ex did not show up. He'd skip supper anyway. But... Everything will not be the same. He's a negative person. Super negative. I'm glad I left him. I'm relieved. If he can still affect me now, imagine what he'd do to me if we never even broken up. Disaster. Anyway we talked about fighting, baddy tactics, thinking, our old badminton club, hostel life. Roommates, little shitty habits. Dirty toilets. Lecturers. It's all good talk.

It's cool how ys claims we're gonna improve because we do discussed about it. And that will definitely improve us. It's leaving opinions behind. It's being acceptable to change. It's growing up in terms of baddy. HAHA. How cool was that. Damn. How do you find such a humble person who plays so well like him? Rare.

Menshoe's making me reflect on myself. I hated myself too. Ive been a bad child to my family too. I've been a bad student. But here I am, desperately trying to be better now. Being a good grandchild to grandma, staying with her just to not let her feel lonely. Being patience to my family. Being a student whos working hardest to be on the top. Being a humble baddy player. I'm trying. I'm seriously trying to be the best. It's hard, but it's doable. How about in terms of people?

I said something about hating peeps. I think I'm okay with some of them. I think I'm getting okay with people. Even boys. I don't hate them anymore. Im just a little scared. I don't wanna lose myself again. Here I have my close friends in my course. I did badly tho. I only got to be with the ipoh girls, and the Dsaui's. The rest... I don't know. Did race separate us? I don't know. We're still friends, just friends that don't know each other. It's a crazy life. Being close with people is tiring, especially when you had a long shitty history. My fam, mother side, father side, dad's company, yukchai, dj, to A levels, and now. Each phase has a tiny bit ot dramas, but most of them actually involve baddy, peeps I know from baddy. I don't even know why. I'm just relieved that life is improving. I just know that I thank every single incident. Still, exception: ET case. The case I never mentioned to anyone.

Next year's gonna be really tough. The more people you get close with, the more tiring. I'm going to be part of the committees. Life was already pretty tiring with so much baddy session with them, meanwhile trying to top my grades. But actually happy, content, satisfying. Plus being a committee Includes responsibilities. That's gonna tire me to death. So much to take care of. And menshoe. I'm not planning to say goodbye. We're going to meet, weekly, I hope. She could take lrt to kj lrt so we can baddy at fcuc. I'm determined to help with her footwork. Hopefully she's determined to improve. Then that would be much easier. This friend here, is a keeper. I've forgotten the last time seeing someone talk with that kind of heart. That pureness. We're all kind people, isn't it? Baddy can unite people, it always did anyway. So why not? 

From today I actually noticed. The committees are a bunch of peeps with great attitudes. All are keepers. Still unsure about mr soya cuz he never showed up. Uhm. But the rest, could be lifelong friends. So precious.

I feel really sad for my ex, wrongfully judging them. They're great peeps, and he lost the opportunity to have these people in his life. But his attitude, makes him lose everyone anyway. Idk bout his previous exes. But I'm gonna be one of them who'd keep giving. Just because, I care this much. Idk how he doesn't see it. But sokay, I'm used to it. Some people reject love. And they cry about the world not loving them. It's dumb. He's dumb. I have to make sure my life doesn't revolve around dummies. So I guess I have to keep running, stay away from him. I gave all I could, right? There are no regrets. The outcome is great. It's time to move on. I didn't get back both our smiles. I can sense him suffering. But at least I'm not the reason he's suffering anymore. And at my side, his suffering should not affect me. His suffering doesn't meant I have to suffer with him. I didn't get back our smiles, but I guess I got back mine. I've never been so free in such a long time.

Life has been really busy, content. But also, healthy and happy. We'll stay in touch, menshoe. And hopefully working closely with jon and ys wouldn't make me hate them. We're all baddy lovers with strong passion. And we're all grown up enough to be humble, to be ready to learn. It's a cool thing, you know.