MS

Yesterday was full of ups and downs. Last baddy got me slept super late. Around 4am? My ex's messages got me stressed. Not actually.. I was just really speechless on how disinterest he's gotten. Giving up every hope.

I woke up with his long message, his whining message again. Fucking hell. I don't mind if you cry. But it's not okay for him to be so arrogant. Not with me. I probably hasn't typed this fast, this muc, in a long time. It came out fast because I was freaking awake. Next time, his messages definitely can wake me up instantly.

No one has the right to tell me what I should be thinking. Because, do you even know what I'm thinking? Time and money are the most important ones? Hah. I remember telling ET and loong, gosh I'm extremely worried about myself not getting a job. What do I do if that happens? Idiot. To think back about that, I was an idiot. I'm a student. If I work hard on building a good character, a good attitude, why would I not find a job? So why spend all the time worrying, overthinking, instead of focusing on the presence which could build my future? I've learned that. He hasn't. He's still crying. And he doesn't admit to that. Understandable, male pride. They always think they're the best. He said I act like I don't know anything. Fucking hell. Am I supposed to act like god? That's not what a girlfriend was supposed to do. I guess he'll never see the efforts. I, as a person with such attitude, did all I could to lower down that me, to protect his stupid pride. He was pampered in that manner. But I think I've made myself extremely clear. Now I'm not his gf. I don't have to care about his pride. It doesn't hurt feelings. I have nothing to lose.

I went home right after class, grandma was pretty happy. My mood was peak. I was crazy hapi. And then, I gained a new friend from ms. Thought he was cute. HAHA. I'm not saying the appearance. It's the expressions, the wordings, stuff. A Singaporean, 20 year old. He talked like he's definitely into me. But I know it's a joke, since we "had a thing" during the game. Haha. I can't believe I accepted his trade on insta, so we became friends, and kinda conversed till night.

When my fam came home, I kinda told them about menshoe's story. And told mom about my ex's words and my replies. She was quite satisfied on what I said. Ahah.. and she said, I have the ability to help him. Cuz the situation is fucking obvious. He has brain issues and he needs help. But if I attempt to help him, I would need help too. I'd develop brain issues too. I definitely don't want that. I love myself too much that I don't have time to care about such person. I care but I don't have time and ability. Mom doesn't understand my pain. Ish.

Badminton was pissful. I don't know. I'm sorry. I waited for chicken for about an hour. More than that, actually. I kinda lose patience. I didn't talk to him at all during those drives, because I didn't feel like talking. I probably looked freaking mean. But I didn't scold anyone. That's the most I can do I guess. But still. I kinda felt bad for losing patience. Well.. it's not like I'm a patient person. I'm grumpy. But these.. uh.

Do you wanna supper?
No.

Usually I'd say, anything. I'd join even if I don't eat. I'm sorry about that. It's not your fault. It's my attitude issue. Needing some changes. Ugh. Sorry.