You looked like you loved to be alone at first. But now, I think you're very loyal to friends.

Love can kill you.
I need to reconsider the meaning of friends. What am I loyal to?

She said that I talk really humorously. Honestly, all I did was saying what exactly happened. My entire life is a joke. I remember how my sister couldn't breathe laughing at how I described what happened before I decided to break up with him. Was it funny? I cried. It's great you find it funny. It means I succeeded making it all sound fine. I had a way to phrase it the way like pain never even occurred. It's called pretending. And when they laugh, the environment wasn't that tensed up. They wouldn't feel too bad, I wouldn't feel sad. It's a win win.

I'm actually afraid. What's gonna happen when you leave? I sticked to girls. But I don't think vhoi (future secretary) can be that easy to be with. She's not that pure. I like pure peeps. They remind me that this pureness haven't went extinct. It feels sweet to see peeps full of enthusiasm, so cute and energetic. Of course the boys aren't like this.. I wasn't even kidding when I said I have some hatred towards males. It's not all gone yet. But it's partially gone. I need to live, and that hatred is not gonna be helpful. Badminton is a huge part of my life, while... Boys are part of badminton. I can't run forever. I can be extremely careful to prevent chaos tho. Which is what I'm doing rn.

I'm a sentimental person. I'm not that heartless. But I know that I appear heartless. Some parts of that sentimental me was taken, hidden somewhere. Idk what happened to it. It only appears at late midnight or when alcohol is involved. Is that even okay?

Straightforward is my character. But I'm not even real. Or am I? I am. Sometimes I'm really confused on what happened to me. Am I back to normal? Cuz my overall days seemed okay. I could even be considered as happy. I had zero filter, so some friends like to ask me weird pg18 questions, while my answers definitely meet their dirty expectations. What do you expect? I'm not that pure. Inside out, top to toe. I did so many things, I could literally consider myself as... Adventurous? Somebody claimed I wasn't exposed to enough new stuff. But little do you know, I'm completely open to try new stuff. You can see the amount of times I've died, and you'll know. It's a good trait I guess.

I feel like I'm living in a movie. Not drama! Movie, cuz everything happened quick. It just seemed slow cuz pain feels like forever. I had the craziest three years of my life, I think I'm already exhausted. I looked at those bottles everyday, thinking, I wanna drink. But I didn't. I looked at old photos a lot, thinking that I miss them but I'm not that sad anymore. She said that it was really different when she starts to know me compared to the beginning. Honestly, it wasn't so different. I was different too. Maybe you know me now, but you don't know me next month. My mindset can so fast like changing clothes, it scares me.  I don't even know myself.

All will be well. I hope.
At form 2, I thought I had the most dramatic form 1 life due to the transition issue.
At form 4, I thought I had the most dramatic form 2 -3 life due to rivergrass crush.
At college, I thought I had the most dramatic form 5 life due to one break up.
At the end of college, I thought I had the most dramatic college life due to how unclean the breakup was.
Now in uni, sem4, I think the most dramatic parts only started since our first break, up to... Few months ago. It finally ended.

Who knows what I'd think in the future? Now that the transition, rivergrass, they all seemed so insignificant. In five years, hopefully these would seem insignificant too.