Ok I had a crazy decision and decided to scroll fb all the way back to when I was younger, reading tru each posts. I am FUCKING GLAD I turned out to be normal despite all the weirdness that's went tru me. Or maybe.. at least I think I'm normal now, who knows. I'd probably cringe again in 5 years time.
I've had a few phases.
2010, crazy with fb games especially Farmville and restaurant city, which made me desperately share those "Ask for help" posts so that people would send me items. It's sooo embarrassing.
2011-2012, what can I say? It was my.last two years in primary school. The phase when "I love you"s meant nothing at all. I said them too much. I thought everyone in 6S was destined to be lifetime bffs. I posted statuses without using my brain, sometimes spreading weirdness, sometimes spreading hate. Holy shit. I'm a piece of shit. And I was proudly announcing my love for celebs. The cringe........
2013, I was "heartbroken" because my "friends" changed. Duh. Who wouldn't? That's a crazy transition. And I was so... Such an idiot I couldn't move on from such little things? I was "sad" ??? Wtf. Then getting into the library board "Falling in love". Oh my. The world doesn't have to know the phase where I started having meaningless crushes. I realized I was already straightforward since back then. I didn't know how to filter. Maybe that's exactly why some people hated me. Some people, couldn't tolerate my shitty brainless act. I'm so sorry, peeps.
2014, that's when baddy comes into my life. I had much lesser stupid statuses. But my old training mates and I used to converse by posting on each other's timeline? So unnecessary. Sooo extra. The world doesn't have to know. Ew. Still fucking baby, I hated people for no reason? .... I don't even know the young me.
2013, I thought I was deeply in love with someone. Pft. What is love? I still haven't figure it out now, and I talked about love? The reason I judge people when they talk about love. Friends, love is a lie. There is no such bullshit. We're all idiots. Ew. I can't accept what I posted. Only the ones related to baddy are the normal ones. But the way I phrased things still disgusted me. I sounded like a complete brainless. And I hated prefects. I still hate them. But there's no need to spread hate back then. Extremely unnecessary. All the insults. Why? Can't I just use my brain before I post something?
2014, still, it's obvious that I was a hateful little creature. I had crazy short temper. I threw things, posted things. Got sad for stupid things. Wtf. I had been tru nothing, I had no right to say such things. But luckily, there's obvious progress of growing up compared to 2010. I stopped posting nonsense, simply tagging my "friends" and all those stuff. I was starting to know people. Just, at 2014, I still had a wrong concept of relationships. I know nothing. I completely stopped with the celebs part, fortunately! No one has to know. It's stupid to be proud fangirls announcing how good looking certain celebs are.
2015, had my first breakup. I think it's the year I actually stopped posting stupid statuses that can make myself cringe. I only shared posts. Words, quoted by some stupid emo people. Still cringey, but... Much better than how I used to be. It's probably the reason he broke up with me. I didn't see this as a problem back then, but I understand it now. It's definitely a problem. I used to share sweet shits, and fucking emo shits, obvious to the point that the world could always know what's happening. I'm sorry for being that way. The world doesn't have to know. I'm extremely sorry that you had to wake me up in such harsh way, and I had no clue back then. I was still brainless. Still naive. Still cringey. Your friends were right abt me still being a baby, but it wasn't true about the age thingy. Everyone grows up at a different rate. It's just how you deal with me before I reach the normal phase.
2016, got into college. I was still a broken person. But I didn't act like how I used to. Haha. I think some of my posts were still kind of stupid. But yeah, most of my photos had rational captions, just the reshared stupid emo ass quotes which doesn't make sense to me at all rn. Sokay. Improvement is made.
2017, 2018. I got normal. I'm full of food posts, student stressful posts, cat posts. But... I kinda removed them all because I prefer having memories left on my wall, including photos.
I like how I went from a stupid idiot who simply expressed myself so transparently on fb, into a person who doesn't reveal anything at all. Nothing at all. It's actually a huge change. I remember I got into a shit situation with my older cousin back then because I didn't use my brain before sending messages. His words were like a normal teen's words while mine...... I don't even wanna recall. It's all embarrassing.
I wish I grew up sooner than how it seemed. Maybe a real breakup like that was the way to boost instant grow up progresses. And omg. My English back then was.... cringey, embarrassing, gross. I have no words. I'm not saying I'm super good now, but seriously back then, how do I even get the courage to put such texts online??? I had no shame.
No comments:
Post a Comment