Quit

真的是沒事不會找博客。

I've been chatting with a new friend: fish tail. He's really talkative. No matter what I do, he kept the conversation going. Idk, but this guys has 100% weirdness.

He says, a short life would only last for awhile. It makes sense, of course. But it actually sounds better in Chinese.

一輩子不長啊 所以叫 一陣子。

Ive been using it to convince myself. It's Ok. It's ok to have shitty things happening, screwing up feelings and stuff. Because it'll only last for awhile, then we all die.

If you're sad, it'll only be awhile. Even if you're sad for your whole life, it's also just awhile.

There's no point in life. We're born in this shitty world, make more mess, then produce more shitty people and die. Like parasites.

And if you're sad, you're just a sad person that wouldn't matter to anyone at all, because you're just one person that will be gone years later.

So don't be sad. Don't think of shitty people that make you sad. Don't even think about them. Fuck everyone.

Badminton makes me happy, so I should go for it doesn't matter with who. Karaoke makes me happy, it's just twenty ringgit. It's ok to have some stress relieving moments doesn't matter who doesn't like it. I like myself with piercings, so no one should affect me.

I should let go of the things that stop me from doing the stuff that I like. If caring for someone makes you feel sad, then just delete that person from your life. If that person makes you feel sad thinking bout it, then really, delete everything that makes you think abt him.

Quitting isn't that hard. Right?

No rants

Okay fine. Today everything went so much better than before. Bio went terrible as usual. I brought lab coat and nothing else. Weird, cuz I still could concentrate realllly well.

After that we went to the caf and did some math. I made TJ ran one round downstairs to get the key. Heh sorry. Turned out the keys were with yam. Eh I have a new name for TJ. Ginger. :3 it's related to his full name. Anyways. Ughh stomata and shell kept shipping us. This is shit.

The election went as expected: Voon gets the president because people don't really know him. Pua gets the vice because he's just so nice. Actually, I don't know why. And me, I got the secretary. As usual. Paper<3 gets the treasurer. I like her actually, just cuz her writing is nice. I was actually really pissed when Voon gets the job. But really. I already expected this result.

The thing is, I'm not thaaaaat against him anymore. Why? After the meeting, we had a small meeting, a small committee meeting. So we gathered in front. Yam precisely told us our jobs, and told Voon especially, not to interfere our jobs. I'm fucking thankful for yam. He's trying to make me less that shitty. Well I appreciate his effort.

But I'm more okay with it because, during the committee meeting, they actually talked bout the future work. Now that I know, Pua is a tennis player. No wonder he's so good. And he said he has organized many tournaments. Definitely very experienced. Yup we didn't pick the wrong guy. He's cute. Heh fuck. Then Voon. He came up with some stuff he did before, which is sponsorship. Wow he's actually experienced in publicity. Just briefly talking bout these made me excited for the coming events. I'm gonna be part of the team involved in making these successful, of course I'm gonna participate and win something back.

All the committees are actually... we have our own pros and cons. I'm a fucking fierce secretary. I hope they don't mind, but the part I can do best would be for the system of the club. The boys can focus on the events where they're good at, and I can make the system flow great. One of the only few problems were club meeting over crowded. For that I came up with a suggestion, the club would only be open to register in a short fixed period. Then that's it. It's actually how the librarians and prefects work back then. Actually that was for my convenience too. Imagine you have to type in new forms any time of the year. It's stupid. It's so troublesome. Make my job easier, man. They accepted the suggestion.

Another was sacking. Used the librarian way too. I suggested they get kicked if they're absent for three times consecutively after the first warning. Hmph it's so soft compared to the librarians. They accepted it too. Wow seems like I'm focusing much on kicking people out. Who cares! I want those courts. :3

However. Conclusion, we actually are a great team. We're all good. Ginger, he'd be the head coach. Had I mentioned, he's the best player in the club? Then,,, Axe would be the cute photographer. Still, he's cute. We have a team with loads of shits and weaknesses. But I guess now it's going better, because we've created a committee chat group to discuss. It seems so much more professional because Voon let us help him get his English checked.

I can't believe Yam thinks my English is quite good. Is it??? Serious shit? Voon told me he passed his Ielts. Means if I take that test I'd pass too. HAAHHA not sorry, cuz you suck. I still hate your shitty no-sportsmanship-attitude, but you have your part. Yeah please prove me wrong. 

Voon rant.

Fuck. This guy really is position minded too. Look, asshole. If you're not capable, don't force it. So fucking done with you.

I'm harsh but too straightforward I'm starting to hate myself. Why am I so honest with you? Did I think you could become a better person? Boys will be boys. Arrogant piece of shit will be the same piece of shit. Yh don't expect him to become a good person. 

I'm going to imagine his future interview and laugh. It's not my business, but it sure is funny to imagine. President, this guy? Really? Lmaao.

He needs to know the reason why I treat him like shit. Now that he knows, I'm feeling much better. The piece of shit needs to know he's a piece of shit. The piece of shit needs to know why he's being treated like a piece of shit. There's no turning back. I actually told him I really hate to so fucking much in his face.

Man, how would that felt? It must be not so good, since I used to be nice. Well, not sorry. I'm never polite to troublemakers. Especially this arrogant shit.

This is so fucked up. Seriously what's wrong with this world? He'd get picked because people like him. Only I hate him. He'd think I want his position but tbh the highest I'd aim would be vice. I criticized badly bout his English, that doesn't make mine good. A president should know how to speak well and be influential. I'm not the type that could be.

Well, fuck everything. Let's hope they pick someone else for secretary. Let's hope I get to quit unintentionally so I could ignore this arrogant guy forever.

One thing I can't understand is, why this guy won't even treat me harsher even after how I've treated him? Is he dumb or what omfg.

Club work

I can't believe how cooperative the members are I'm going to love them. Looking at how I work, what I thought when I receive cases, I'm not gonna do whatever they did that annoyed me.

In the future, definitely, if there's a form, make sure you fill it up so the superior has a better first impression bout you. If you're  requesting for a job but don't bother to fill up the simple columns, how are they gonna trust that you could finish your damn job? You're just out. Out before you even get the interview.

I told Voon, it's ok that they leave it blank, at least we get to know what kind of people they are, thanks to a simple form. But I guess I'm taking part of it back. Some of them, gained more better impression when I went for information hunt one by one. Mat was one. He actually apologized. In among so many, just one felt sorry. Wow, surprised. And another guy who ignored me at first, then typed the full information formally after my first reminder. Very wow. Thanks, cooperative members. Really.

Easter was one. Heh. I know where she lives now >:) seems nearby. Daamn I really could ask her out for badminton. This is too awesome.

Club rant.

I'm still gonna rant.
I have a plan since the day I was temporarily elected. It's a new club, so I'm bringing the librarian system in. Used to think the librarian system was slightly fucked up, but now I see this club, I realized how awesome the librarian system was. Sadly, I was only the secretary. I only could bring up secretary ideas, but not posts. So I created a shared file. They agreed with whatever I planned.

I searched my old folders, I actually deleted 90% of all these files, but fortunately some of them were successfully recovered. I found my incomplete setiausaha folder. Inside includes info, name lists, meeting minutes, reports, approval letters and warning letters, perfect to refer.

It kinda gave me a head start. So since the club takes application forms from each members, I started with typing in the information. It was easier for the librarians since there's just form 1 to 5. For badminton, I decided to use their courses to categorize them. Well, problems are these members won't fill them up.

It was midnight, I texted those people with empty courses, and most of them replied, but I was tired, so it's end of shift. I asked voon a favor: stop accepting incomplete forms, and inform the rest of them from the notice.

In college, I've sorted the hard copies accordingly and informed him. It seems like English problems killed my patience. He couldn't understand me. I'm trying to tell him. The four of us might be receiving application forms. So please tell them not to accept incomplete forms because they've caused me so much inconvenience.

Explaining that to him makes me want to run into a wall. That was okay, because he called and spoke to me. I swear I wanna put a bullet in his head.

Guess what I saw after class ends. He asked the members' personal information in the group. Like wtf. Is that what I said? DEAR DEAR PRESIDENT. Would you stop putting your nose into everything? What are they gonna think, a president asking private informations in public. What are they gonna think when I asked their information then he asks again for the same thing!? Obviously yeah, there's an error in the system, which is our dear president wants to be everything. Why don't you make yourself useful and just shut up!?

Chill yh. Chill. I feel like quitting but I don't want to. I feel like this job is making me 24hrs harsh to everyone. President, what do they do? They show up, inspire, and make the system flows perfect by viewing the bigger picture. Voon does the opposite! Minding others' business, doing others' job while I'm halfway on it. Wtf. Like seriously wtf. What kind of president is this? Fucking tell me.

Honestly I don't think the election can change anything. If I don't tell, no one knows. No one knows bout the inside shits here. Trust me, no one cares bout the club. It's not their business. They just wanna play.

The only two ways:
Make him realize that he's not fit for the job.
I'll be his personal critic and make him so done from me.

Badminton tight

Today morning we had badminton again. My badminton days are getting tight, but I love it. It's like... Last weds up to now I had badminton like.... four times. Too great.

I finally beat a guy I've always wanted to beat since... two years ago. That satisfaction. It's too good. Plus I'm off form, how well could I play if I'm not in this shitty state?

Badminton is life. I'm afraid I'll look forward to badminton dates so so badly I couldn't live anymore lmao.

Friday is the official meeting that yam would attend. I'm actually... Worried. They know I don't like being a secretary. Yam knows I dislike voon being the president. Well, I might either get back the secretary, or.... Nothing at all.

Actually, what do I want? I'm confused. Ugh. How can a person be president if you're worried that you'd lose one piece of paper? What could you do?? Seems like nothing at all. Ugh.

I don't see anything good in you. You don't have sports ethics. You're simple minded, clumsy and freaking dumb. If you didn't tell, I wouldn't even notice that you represented a state. Well good for you that the club already thinks you're the boss. And when the vote is on, it might still be you.

There's nothing we can do. I'm gonna wait until your ass retires, and then the fair game would be on. We need a capable leader. But I have no idea how's yam gonna fix it. It seems unfixable.

Badminton Easter

Today was supposed to be an awesome day, despite my huge mistake that made me skipped chem class. I studied anyway, time not wasted. I was guilty but it didn't last long. To make sure I can take care of my rackets, I studied in the student center. It was kinda noisy, Tj and Jr came at different times, so I was accompanied. They're just so nice. Lucky to know jr. He told me bout the event today, so yepp I'm like an outsider crashing in their small meeting. The boss was (I thought) the most good looking guy in the college lmao.

Guilt guilt guilt, guilty skipping class.. Tj solved my problem by helping me keep my racket in his car. So I could walk around without burden yaaay. Awesome.

There was a huge huge gap. I did the secretary job as planned, then studied at the library. Tbh I couldn't have done anything or went anywhere if I have to take the racket with me all the time. *Thankful*

Club started. So fucking awesome. I was with my classmates, and I realized there's five of them. They actually don't need me there. Next week would be five, too, I can play with the boys and they'd be fine. The best thing about today was I found a girl. A girl with my level.

I'll call her Easter. Easter egg! Kinda food too eh? She's actually damn good. Why must my badminton buddies be that tall? Why, pineapple, why, Easter? Why are you guys so tall! Easter has two classmates there too. I realized I've seen them before cuz the one that shines gave me a deep impression. So this guy who's probably a pro debator is Jam, and another guy, Green. Sorry I give terrible nicknames. I have no choice. It's for your privacy.

Voon asked Jam and I to play against Easter and Green. Wooh. I can't believe Jam couldn't play. I also can't believe Easter was so much better than Green. It's like the other way round this time. The girls play the main roles. Wooo cheers to the ladiess. I like her. Damn. And she's a senior who's younger than me. Fuuccck. Damn.

Voon actually made us girls play against two guys. Woah woah. We could beat them. But we lost by 21-19. Terrible form. I actually told voon and tj that I couldn't run today. They thought I was giving excuses. Blah. But the other match when sky blue and I played against Sun and Axe, we won by 21-11, which I expected us to beat them under ten. It was so awesome. When they hit too high and I was quite readied, so I get to tap them sharply. Fucking satisfying! Not just one, damn! It was a few shots, and I actually.... Hit the boys. Sorry. I was too excited. And those shots I thought I'd miss because I couldn't reach,,,, I actually reached them! It's gold. Fuck my life, the best mix I've played. Sky blue was good. Sorry for complaining previously, on that day you really didn't see me as a badminton player, and now you actually requested me to partner you??? Mind blooown. Boys are weird. Really weird. But that game was awesome.

The other best things, I get to know a cute photographer. It's Axe. He has braces, and not that tall. That's probably what made him cute. Wait no, it's his friendly attitude made him cute. And the braces!

Nana wanted to play with me then. She was actually quite good. I rate her, maybe the third best female player there. It's awesome. She could take most of the shots, but just not really beautifully. Ah she's so cute. Have I mentioned? 

:3

I really love badminton. Everything about badminton makes me smile. I think bout wood all the time. Bout what he'd say if he meets Easter. Gah it was so nice. I can invite Easter out for badminton too, the next time pineapple comes back. She's like the only one who understands my badminton frustration. We have the same experiences in MSSD: GETTING KICKED BADLY BY CHS PLAYERS. *cries* She has been there too, knocked out by the state players. Awesome finally someone could relate me. Gahhh. But she makes me feel bad. I'm older than her but an intake slower than her. This is so terrible.

She's gonna be a good friend. :3 damnnnn badminton was so awesome I couldn't get enough of it.

Next week hell would end. It's time for footwork, very very hardworking footwork. Fml. I should avoid seeing German charlie for awhile. It means goodbye tetris hahahah omg what's wrong with me.

I actually had a huge fight with my mom at night. But I guess before I broke my fist, I know well, how to end it, and it succeeded. I'm pretty lucky. I decided to skip dinner but grandma was determined to make me eat. Aaah. Damn.

Overall today was really really fucking awesome. The last match we played was when I was bored, I asked Axe to stroke with me. His lobs were really good! Did not expected that. Then two boys in full black shirt asked for a match. Axe wasn't really good at defenses. Gosh there was one shot I'm satisfied to death. I served nice and low, he returned slightly too high. I was at the front, so I actually smashed it cross court, sharply. I wish I could do that more, it's like fuuuu.. the people clapped. That glorious moment lmao. I have to laugh to death but we were too serious. But we lost by 21-15, the blacks were good. :3

%&*#?@?=;@?@ can I just time travel to next Monday??? Nono, next Saturday! Wait. Heh. :3 I can't wait. Badminton is life. My addiction is getting stronger because of the club, fml. Fml. Fml.

Aaah.

Gym

I was planning to go for a swim. Thanks to being a female, plan ruined. So my whole family went to swim but I only headed for the gym.

We all went there together to try out the equipments. Daaamn. I don't even know how to use them.

So I only start after they left. You know.... Newbie. I don't like anyone watching. It's just weird. Watch me when I'm well practiced.

There were a few foreigners. They seem nice, especially the black guy. He's so nice. I wonder why there's so much drama in between the black and whites in US. He demonstrated one of the equipments there, so I only worked out with that. At least I know that I'm not doing it wrongly.

It's so awesome. Feel the burn. He said it'd be better if I start with 12 reps each set. :3

What's your purpose?

My purpose? I don't know, build some muscles, do chin ups and maybe tone everything up? Haha

Gah I can't wait to be back here without the blood and stuff. Pls. Next week. I'll be back.

Out with my 38s

I'm fucking pissed to be waken up by a pool of tsunami. But then. Thinking bout yesterday makes me happy. Training was precious. Always and still. Wood's like my coach. He teaches me and gives the worst critics. I'm ok with that, and he seems ok with my response: poker face. Sometimes we get angry when people criticize. I think I know how to only put that in my mind. He doesn't even know. That's pretty cool. Counting and letting it go, nothing could go wrong.

At my last serve, I served slightly higher and dodged. Usually he'd scold me like mad. But we all laughed. He scolded me in a laughing tone, which was so cute. Our opponents laughed. The men at the neighbouring court laughed. Lmao.

Don't be afraid of the shots! But damn coach has his racket fucking high up. He'd give me a concussion if he hits my head.

In the game, of course he was always my critic. But he complimented too! Damn. He said my positions were correct, but the skills are what killed me. I got to the right places at the right time, but kept giving easy shots. Fucckk. Wood is the besttt. :3 I wish he misses me more. And i swear, after hell finishes, I'm gonna practice footwork everytime I go to the park. He cares bout me tho. :3 <3 I'm a happy girl.

For the club. Haha yam complimented my minutes too. I actually thought I had some formats wrong. But he didn't say anything. So basically I might be the temporary secretary until this Tues. There's lots of stuff I want to do. Let's hope I finish my duty before the new elected secretary comes in. _;$*#)@)@

Fml I needa finish week of hell rn.

Well after badminton, it was a celebration. I'm pretty sure some of them owe me money and it's quite a lot when summed up. But it's so mean if I ask for these stuff from so long ago. I didn't contribute to the cake money and I hope she lets go too. Uh.

The outing was niceeee food was niceeee but the only thing missing was YIPMAN. SO EMPTY WITHOUT YOU BIJJ. Hmph. Drama queen updated me bout her love drama, shock updated me bout her availability, and I told kawaii bout the badminton issues. Yu was too far away but now she gave me impressions bout how her studies went. The cake was damn good. After lunch we actually just planned to go for karaoke on the spot. I actually like that. Seems like a surprise to me. :3. We're all sad people. Wait no. I'm okay already but sad songs made me reminisce alot. Drama Queen's the sad one. Her story was similar to mine but without them officially together. Conclusion, boys are nothing. Stay away from them heart breakers.

At night we actually have another celebration to attend. A staff's child's full moon. I was so tired I skipped dinner and just watched the finals. Gah. Lin Dan is definitely a sad guy. But it's okay he's really good. He's really really good. Our lcw too. Chen Long is young and fitter, it's okay. Daaamn I hate everyone who blamed him. Like you can be better? We're in no position to even give the sour face when he hits the wrong shot. We're in no position to say, he could do better. Boo, joker. Boooooo. If you try, you'll know their pain. If you're a badminton player too, you'd know so much much better. How hard it is to save those pretty shots, how hard it is to have that speed.

Ugh people are not understanding. It's okay.

.

This is the first time (I think) I get to voice my rant properly, but not so properly. Our adviser. Erm sorry if by any chance you read this, I'm very used to giving nicknames to everyone I know here so... Yeah. Our adviser, Yam. Food again heh. I have a feeling we're gonna be friends. Well he said he didn't mind reading my blog even after I informed about the vulgar words. And I was too lazy to translate them to soft words. So... heh all that anger. Sorry uh. But I felt so much better.

Caring about something can destroy you. It's my weak spot.

Caring about the group of fake friends which ended up betraying you, made you take so much more time to trust new people in life.
Caring about the future of the librarian board made me have the urge to start organizing whatever the seniors did not do well, including changing system, adding rules.
Caring about the future secretarial job made me stressed out bout how I couldn't train my assistant well during that time.
Caring about a person too much ruins my life and made me destroy myself by loving him more than myself, and have stupid breakdowns randomly.


It's similar to a responsibility but not exactly that. Sometimes, it's not that they don't wanna be responsible. They just did not think that far. Maybe I over think too much. Maybe I care too much. I can do my part as a girl player which tries my best to win for my college. I can just do that part well and ignore all the politics inside. But then I admit, I am position minded. Not too much but still actually not that little. HAaaaaaaaaiz I wish I could get rid of that.

I want to do big things. I want to show the world, people like me, even if I'm short, messy, emotionally fucking unstable, and fierce... But I can do things. I want them to take their words back. Take their arrogant shitty face back. I want the feeling that people look up on me. It's pretty hard. Stupid goal that will never come true.

If boys could just stop being so arrogant. If. If only.

Charlie

I was too damn curious I asked Charlie the time. He said it's 8:04pm in Germany. So he's a German! Damnnn.

Too cool to have a regular opponent far away. Six hours time difference man! I got it right. He's not Asian, and that's why I don't see him around in the morning. :3

Interesttiiiiiiiing 

Fcuc club

Today isss satisfying. Had one birthday celebration, then cuddling with cute animals. Too precious. Then then... My professional professor uncle helped correct my formal letter. Gah super thankful. :D

Tomorrow's the meeting. Honestly wish I get to be in the ajk team. I've done my part as a temporary secretary. And dealt with this crazy Voon who has so many English errors. Letting my uncle correct the letter made me feel not much better than Voon. Ugh. Gotta be professional.

$&#*((";!

I have to play badminton rn. Cravings satisfied, half of the classes cancelled, can life be any better?

Badminton

We had a slightly different friendly match yesterday. It's half girls, half guys. When it comes to mix doubles, it's not necessarily the guy is better than the girl. Not for yesterday's case. The white shirt guy played badly than me. What to do for this case? He has the strength but doesn't have the footwork. When it comes to surprising shots, he made me ran across the whole court to take the shot, and still. Ugh. We need strategies here.

And when uncooperative girls aka my freaking sister partner with me. That's gonna be the worse case ever. See if I serve softly and stay in front, she could be exhausted to death back there, or worse, we get killed the first half court shot she returned. Well if I serve and back off to cover her, they'd return a soft shot, which nobody's there.

When cooperative girl who can play a little partners me. She trusted me so much she runs to the front after any shot, expecting me to cover it all. If the opponents notice this point, they'd exhaust me to death before I get the chance to kill them.

And one more thing. I've played so many mix doubles, I couldn't play women's double anymore. I don't know what to do. I backed off the wrong way. I should've backed off to wherever the stronger opponent stands, but I always did it the mix doubles way.

I've played too many mix and forgotten how to play girls doubles anymore. Fuck my life!

Mix doubles are actually... Getting fun. I don't seem to hate them so much anymore. It's challenging, it's cool. I'll just have to make my footwork perfect then it could be great. ^*$$?#?#(#

Nomorestreak -workout

I'm fucking pissed. All the batteries aren't working, Wood's being stressed, the weather's like shit, and skies polluted. And my nose is not working.

Ohplease. Actually thanks to the battery of our remote. The remote kept changing settings to the aircon. Sinus has been awakened. More like a fucking cold.

Should I run ? My slightly toned stomach has left me. Now it's left with just fats. But the haze is bad, and I'm fucking lazy. Should I run ?

No. Again and again I've found good reasons noy to run. Fuck my life I think the streak really just broke.

Badminton is motivation

No matter how people bring you down, stand up and prove them wrong!

Wood you brought me down a million times. I fucking swear, if I have no control I could've slapped you.

Maybe, you were right that my footwork practice is not working. Today I found how to improve footwork. It's not the footwork, it's the speed.

When I'm too tired, I don't decrease the number of footsteps. The pace must be consistent. The footsteps too. Two means too, can't make it three just because I couldn't. I can. I definitely can if I want.

For drive, I get it. Speed, and aim empty spaces while holding the top.

Everything's about thinking how to make it fast. I'll try my best, wood. You'll see.

Updates

YH. If you wanna get pissed and leave the freaking dining table, make sure you can bear HUNGER. Fuck my life.

Everything wasn't so bad la. Actually.
Voon asked me to type a notice for the club, and he'll do the design. But then, words have to go with design. If you want me to type a promotion thingy, I have to look at your design, then only fill suitable words in. Right? So I actually designed too, to make the words look reasonable.

And his comment was: You can go for graphic design in the future.

lmao, thanks voon. Tbh if you ask why I dislike you, I don't actually dislike you. I dislike all boys that think they're so good in a way that it's not fun anymore. Heh have to be precise here, cuz I think I'm okay with arrogant ass's narcissistic .

Studies aren't going too well, chem is too hard. Pure math is just.... I've ruined a part just because that time was hell. But I'm gonna catch up I swear. Getting fit plan doesn't work anymore. I'm just pure too lazy, plus pokemon go made me cycle instead of running treadmill. I can't even feel soreness anymore.

The good new is, (bad news) my phone doesn't let me play pokemon go anymore, it means I'm GETTING BACK ON TREAD. But I'm gonna cycle too. It's fun. I think pokemon go could help me improve cycling if it didn't crash like that. Cuz when pokemon shows up, I'd have to use one hand to cycle. Or... I'll have to get off the bike for a while just for better aiming. At the same time, to worry bout cars showing up. It's actually quite dangerous, but... At least I can practice more and get familiar with the bike. Of course, get loads of injuries. I don't fall off the bike. I landed badly half of the time, so usually I get those scratches from the bike, the paddles. My sister which is still playing that game, she got her nails cracked just because she wasn't familiar enough with the bike. Fucking idiot. I dislike her playing pokemon go because she'd adjust my seat.

Bio is not that bad, my lecturer is half terrible. Dorkas, she's fucking bad at pronunciation. Stomach as 'sto - march', chickenpox as 'CHICKENPORK', gametes as 'Ga - mets". What the fuck. The worst was when discussing papers. Ugh. I prefer the terrible pronunciation lectures than stupid discussions. Actually she can teach, it's just face problem. Sorry not sorry. Sorry.

The rest.. I'm looking forward to badminton too bad. This saturday, right now please, could I fast forward please. And the Sunway trip. Yay very excited. #$%^&*()

Random

Not a good day, not a bad day. It started badly because I had this stupid test that I HAVE TO pass. But how did I do? I fucking don't know. It was kinda hard, but.... Forty percent was objective questions, I need forty percent to pass. Should be okay, right? I sat at the almost last. Very behind. There's a bunch of boys who came late that sat there too. They fucking cheated. zzzzz. Whatever, whatever. It's over anyway. Fuck everything.

That when the day gets better. I was so fucking tired, so I took a nap before chem. Fucking awesome. Then the girls were chit chatting. So I sticked my nose in. Haha I can't believe what first impression I gave them. The first time they get to take a good look at me was at the presentation. Obviously, I dressed fucking well. And they said I was fucking pretty HAHAHA I'm gonna laugh to death. So they thought I was the good girl who talks less. Lmao. But turned out I'm a messy blur as fuck psycho. Chem was blur. I understood a bit, still dying.

Violin class was boom awesome. I drove super fast. Duh it was highway. I think I should start from the beginning again. I'm learning vibrato. We all see those cool people doing it during performances, they hold a note long, and there's like resonance. Fucking cool. Yeah. It's pretty easy if you make it slow mo. It's just A, A flat, A, A flat. The hard thing is, you need to play it with metronome, you set a time, like three minutes, then slowly increase the speed.

Last week, I couldn't last two minutes because I held it slight wrongly. But when I got it right, it's like I have unlimited stamina. You fucking increase the speed and I can do it without practicing. And that's why, violin teacher complains a lot. He said if I started class at three years old, I'm gonna be a fucking pro so long ago. And if I do practice, I'm gonna be a fucking pro too in no time. But the thing is, I don't have time, right?

Feeling too good, off to badminton. Again, forty minutes late. Fucking pissed. I thought I'd play so badly, but when Tj partnered me and we fought against pua and the sky blue shirt who looked down on me, surprisingly we won. I didn't suck that bad at all. I fucking tapped it dead once. It's like the best shot in few months.

Shell came. We stroked then Voon made us played mix doubles. It's a wrong decision. Shell couldn't play mix yet. She might lose even if she played against girls. No. And as expected she got so fucking stressed, like how I always were. So after it ended, we went to the back to revise footwork.

I can't believe I'm training her. I can't even play well enough and I'm training a newbie. Fuck. How  can I? Gah. Pua came to join us. Lmao. He's cute. He tried out the steps that I taught shell. He suggested I train all the girls. Definitely no. People wouldn't want to listen to me. And I'm not here to train people, I'm training shell cuz she'd be my partner. But walao it's true that if the girls don't get basics, they'd play wrongly and train wrongly. I can't believe he thought I'm 20. Do I look so old?
"You have a mature face." Lmao

Today's awesome. But I didn't play enough, saaaad. Ugh. Ugh. Next week onwards would be fucking awesome. :3

Looking forward like craaazy.

Random rants :3

Guess what! These few days, I'm like not dieting. I'm like back to normal, but my stomach can't take it! So fucked. Because of this long term low-carb diet, I think whenever I take too much carbs, I'm gonna get bad bad stomach aches. I just ate, butter sauced chicken. IT's SOOO FATTENING. I'm SOOOO DEAD.

And tomorrow I have a stupid mpu test, I haven't study any bit, but if I don't pass it, I needa retake this stupid useless fucked subject. OHGODHELP.

I don't wanna study. *cries*

aaaaaaaaah fuckmy life I just wanna play badminton right now $%^&*(

Out with wood

Days are getting awesome, and I'm slightly worried.

"Uncle tetsu cheesecake! Who's birthday is it? "
"Girlfriend"
*looks at date and think* "right it's your dad's! Remember the picks!"
PS: on the day we officially ended us, I pre-gave his dad a box of Elvis Presley guitar picks because he mentioned that his dad loves him.
"Not giving! Confiscated"
Damn, :3 Wood you're unpredictable.

That day I watched suicide squad, my inner music player was triggered. Damn, loving these songs! So I gotta download all these badass songs. Speaking bout songs, wood told me two songs that they're gonna perform for the physio event. I tried my hardest to remember the names, but when I got home, I only remembered one. Well luckily, when I was downloading all these songs from suicide squad, the song that I forgot showed up. So it's quite popular, I wasn't 100% sure so I kept it for myself first.

Training went as usual, I was late because of mom again. Tbh I was really fucking pissed. I only have two hours to meet this guy, don't ever steal that time from me. Man. He was nice. Daamn. And he found the main reason why I couldn't play well these days. Ever since I got the racket, I guess, I played badly. He let me used one of his rackets, and it got different. Conclusion: I gotta restring it.

Don't know what triggered him to be so awesomely kind today, he brought me. He even wanted to lunch with me if his mom didn't cook. AAAAAAaw I can't handle the happiness. Anyways, he got me there, and I got myself some food. (With him, I'd let him see the me without dieting! so yeah. It's rice. Yeah. Fattening. Whatever) And then he took a bite because he was too hungry <3 Gah can't handle the cuteness. :D Fuck. Stfu yh. $%^&*(

Well in the car, he was complaining that I couldn't remember it. (yes I was too honest with him, sorry) so I asked, does the song name consists the word 'better'? He didn't even wanna give me any clue. So............ :(

But like I said today's an awesome day, I got home and straight away ate the food while watching a random Korean MOVIE "Beautiful inside". Yup. Movie, from anjoy. It's actually a fucking sad movie I cried thrice, but super love the plot. After I had a long long nap, I texted him "was it that song?" He complained, I took such a long time to recall it. :3

Life's awesome when we get compliments from love ones. He did. Today. AH fuck.

Every time I'm with him, he'd randomly come up with some random quizzes. Usually, they're cool stuff that I'd never get them correct. But today I did. Then he said, I'm finally applying logic thinking into science common sense. Well thank you, I'll work harder on that. :3

Life would be better if the lady who did my racket didn't confused it T-T
I restringed it to lower the tension and increase the ability to bounce those shuttles. DAmn if you made the tension so high, what am I gonna do next, lady.

fml omg
BE POSITIVEEEE.

I'm good. 

.

I was listening to Photograph, by Ed Sheeran.
Shits getting sentimental, next track.

Telling myself, don't cry don't cry. He still cares.

And I got my loud vibrating notification.

I'm gonna cry tears of joy.

He asked me out! He asked me out!!!
I can't handle this.

Omg. Please please, yh, don't screw it up! If he's asking, means I'm still a little vip in his mind. Gah.

Fuck.

Aaaaah.

What could go wrong? What's worst has already been done. I don't care if I'm being his lifetime partner, soulmate, a close friend or just a training buddy. I'll just be there whenever he needs me. Yeah.

Yeah.

If I broke up with my ex, and have no more feelings for him, I'd stop asking him out. For his sake, and my sake, stop wasting each others' time. I'd simply ask my siblings to go with me, or just go alone. It's a movie I really really wanna watch, I'd not let anyone screw it up for me. Assuming we might have a chance to still fix the relationship. 

Left ankle gg

I was hesitating if I should run today after class, but it was kinda late.

From don't know when onwards, my thursdays are gonna be quite free.

I should run tomorrow.

But left foot seems like it's not letting me this time. Right above the heel, back of the ankle feels like a big bad bruise when pressed, but doesn't look any different.

I don't care about bruises. But then. Sometimes it feels cramped and stiff. End up me hopping across the room with only right foot. Truly, fuck my life.

No no please. I wanna build up stamina. I don't wanna screw this up. I'm gonna run tomorrow.

Ice, compression, elevation doesn't work. Maybe because I didn't rest. Fuck.

If it affected how I did on the court this Saturday, I'm gonna stop running. I fucking swear.

Badminton stereotypes

Today's an extreme day. People are testing me. My sister making me reach subang jaya in less than twenty minutes. TJ made me run the court, and still lobed full court, and lifted really really high up. Voon made me take his smashes. Erm actually, I made Voon did that to me.

I feel insulted. There's this sky blue shirt guy, we stroked. I thought he couldn't play, but he was just being soft because I'm not a guy. I SERIOUSLY HATE BOYS. WHY do you guys have to look down on us? Gender equality, man. Fuck you all. You think I suck? Then give me all you have, I'll beat you up one day. Give me all you have, and I'll catch up. Be soft and I'll stay this standard forever. It's not my choice I'm not a guy! Treat me the same.

I'm there to help shell. If you don't trust us, whatever. I'll help shell get to the standard. I used to have training weekly and my strokes wasn't that bad. Shell will get to the standard, then we'll beat guys up. Smash, smash. Guys only know how to smash. Girls use thinking. We lie about shots. We might Not have the strength, but we have the brain.

Fuck anyone who's limiting my best. One day, even I'd be shock about what I could do.

Self doubts

I told violin teacher that I thought about quitting. That I felt bad for not practicing and paying for without improving. He told me don't quit, cuz I'm better. He said my improvement would be big if I did practice, but even if I didn't, I could do whatever he asked for. I do improve, but my pace is just like other students who did practiced.

I don't really know how to respond. Just because I don't practice, I used the way to help myself improve and it worked. That doesn't mean it's okay to not practice. That doesn't mean I'm not wasting the money. That doesn't mean I shouldnt feel bad.

I don't really know how to feel. I can do art better than others, I can make myself improve without practicing. I can do well for things that I enjoy.

One day mom and I talked about pretty things: earrings, necklaces. She said she's not wearing earrings anymore because they don't look good on her. I love earrings. But whenever I see some of her old fashioned stuff, I'd be like "I can remove this, and it'll look more trendy."

Know those white pearls that most old people love to wear? Mom gave me a pair of those with nice shiny decors around. It's just the pearl that I hated. I'm like I'm gonna remove this. Or draw something on it. 

"This is what a designer would do, modify, modify, modify."

But I'm no designer.

I don't believe that everyone's has a talent. I believe everyone can do what they want to do if they work hard enough for it. Even if I don't have a 100% science brain, even if I have a brain with more towards the art side,, I'm working hard.

I'll not quit. But I'll try harder. I'll score well for chemistry. I fucking swear.

I used to not believe that I could have a stomach with shape. I succeeded anyway. For chemistry, why not?