Wood

Maaaybe wood was right.

My immune system did fucked up after I started drinking. I used to stay up all night for exams and still lived it through like a boss. But recently, each time staying up for exams... I die. Ever since A2, the first time dying during exam, and now for uni too.

Conclusion: alcohol fucks immune systems.

Haiz.................

That one day drinking a can of carlsberg, I thought, carlsberg doesn't even taste good. At least I'm over with beer. I definitely prefer whiskey and wine. If I didn't change that much...

Two years of interesting talks from pn Lim, but wood's passion, one guy's story lit up that thing in me.

Daily head knocks from arrogant, claiming how alcoholic I am that I should stop, but wood reappeared and it all magically stopped.

Is he god?
Yeah he is.

Annd I ran out of tears.

Have you ever have one miserable night your tears streams and stops, alternately. The difference between thinkers ans dreamers, and that dreamers think about the problem, never about the solution.

You'll know it one day when you tried your best to tell your love that you had a long day when you're needing the loves, but he tells you, this is life. You move on. And proceeds to sleep.

Grow up, he says.

Can you hear the ouch from Idk which dimension? I hear it loud and clear. That's when your heart starts telling you, that is total bullshit. Leave the guy.

And you don't want to. You literally run up him and say. Honey can't you just be nice? And he says, my way of caring.

There you go. You stream and stop the entire night, turned out he's neutral about you leaving anyway.

And the end you ask yourself. What was I crying for ?

You can literally jump off a building and he'd say, why would you do such a childish act?

The squad

It's 4th of November. I came to Inti at 14 of August. Guess it's been three months.

I used to play four sessions from Friday to sunday. Twice on Friday, twice on Sunday. And then, I destroyed my arm. I destroyed it a year ago actually. When wood left me, I thought there was nothing left in life. I focused on badminton. I played like there's no tomorrow, and that's how I get to know moon. And then that's how I get to know his friend, ET, then his friends, Loong. Badminton got my life back on track. I was happy. Slightly alcoholic but it was fun, it was great.

Two and a half months of uni life, I almost completely stopped drinking. I can say that I haven't been drinking for a month. But the alcoholic craving was always present. Two and a half months I've been trying to play twice on Sundays, but the arm issue stopped me. I stopped meeting them. I stopped badminton with them. Six times a week becomes once a week. And my arm still hasn't recovered. It's not getting better. The main point is, the people.

I reduced blasting music on my alone times. What to do? Hostel life, it's inappropriate to bring the speaker. It's so expensive, risky to be brought to a fucker infested hostel. But on weekends, I come home to my speaker, and I play the songs. And that's when the memories are triggered. Well I had this talk with Loong. We're like karaoke buddies, but half of his list are older gen songs, while mine are new. So we exchange good songs that we know. And when I blast music, I miss them. He used to ask me consistently if I'd join them for badminton on Sunday. Now, there was nothing left.

It was just the beginning. I promised wood that after this competition, I'd stop badminton completely for one entire month. Then I'd follow his treatment plan. I'd follow strictly and let my shitty arm heal. By that time it would be early December. Those people seemed completely gone. It's terrifying, even tho I'd get distracted during the weekdays due to studies. But when I blast music, when I get alcoholic cravings. When wood argues with me, or when... When there's just nothing in my head. I'd miss them.

It was just the beginning. The treatment plan wasn't even starting. I don't know what's with their life. I don't know if they still remember how to spell my name. I don't know how's cinnamon and ET going. I don't know if pooh and Loong finally get together(I'm pretty sure they will one day). 

Yh, ET taught you how to move on, remember? He said, no matter what, you can always count on your friends.

How do you count on friends when you're not even making friends?

It's so heartbreaking you had to take so many photos during the great times, and think, "I know that nothing lasts forever." I know that we will be close but not for long, so I have to be prepared to lose. Yes, I'm always prepared. I have one huge folder in my laptop greatly categorized. There's a folder named Moon. Another folder named ET squad. Full of photos. Photos that stopped adding. I have a folder of selected photos in my phone. One small folder with most of the group photos. Those that I'd use to reminisce when I just miss them.

Who'd knew it came in so handy that I'd view them so often in class?

You knew that nothing lasts forever, and they aren't even yours to lose.

I don't even need the photos to remember.
One day after badminton, we ate at murni. Loong said he doesn't have good appetite after baddies. So we ate, he ordered a drink. We sat there for so long. They didn't play with their King's raid game. I wonder if they're still playing? There was just me, ET, loong and pan. And they started talking about some great memories. It was like the longest ever I sat for dinner. Two hours plus, without alcohol. ET talked so much Loong finally ordered food. It was nice. Because he said, they had so much fun, and he said, next time he'd tag me along to experience them. It's nice to just sit there and listen, even when I wasn't there, I can easily imagine the scenes. And it was hilarious.

It felt like yesterday. I guess that's it.

Let's stop this bullshit. Accept it, move on.
I already thought about what's gonna happen when the boys get married and get their own lives. It would separate them too. Don't overthink about the sad reality. Life happens, and it happens to everyone, especially you get friends who are not exactly in the same gen as you are. You get to learn some mature thoughts, but you pay for that too.

It's okay.

One month later if the arm problem remains, I'm gonna totally ignore it. Fuck my arm, I'll keep playing. Fuck it, people are more important.